Childish Complaints
I've got AppendicitisIn my Appendicit,But I don't mind,Because I findI'm quite 'cut out' for it.
If only I had Whooping-cough!I'd join a Circus troupe!And folks would clamour at the door,And pay a shilling--even more,To see me 'Whoop The Whoop.'
Of illnesses like chickenpoxAnd measles I've had lots;I do not like them much, you know,They are not really nice, altho'They're rather nice in spots.
A Cockney maid produced such snores,Folks left the City to avoid them;And all becos,She said, it wasHer adenoids that 'ad annoyed them!
I had the Croup, in years gone by,And that is why to-day,Altho' no longer youthful, IAm still a Croupier.
Words in this poem
- appendicitis n.
- Inflammation of the vermiform appendix.
- troupe n.
- A company or troop, especially the company pf performers in a play or an opera. [F., troop. See Troop.]
- folks n.
- In Anglo-Saxon times, the people of a group of townships or villages; a community; a tribe. [AS. folc; akin to D. volk, OS. & OHG. folk, G. volk, Icel. f, Sw. & Dan. folk, Lith. pulkas crowd, and perh. to E. follow.]
- clamour n.
- A great outcry or vociferation; loud and continued shouting or exclamation. [OF. clamour, clamur, F. clameur, fr. L. clamor, fr. clamare to cry out. See Claim.]
- cockney n.
- An effeminate person; a spoilt child. [OE. cocknay, cokenay, a spoiled child, effeminate person, an egg; prob. orig. a cock's egg, a small imperfect egg; OE. cok cock + nay, neye, for ey egg (cf. New]
- avoid v. t.
- To empty. Wyclif. [OF. esvuidier, es (L. ex) + vuidier, voidier, to empty. See Void, a.]
- croupier n.
- One who presides at a gaming table and collects the stakes. [F.; prop., one who sits on the croup, and hence, in the second place; an assistant. See 1st Croup.]
Definitions and etymologies from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, 1913.
About this text
Childish Complaints is in the public domain. This text is taken from Verse and Worse, Project Gutenberg ebook #36702; the transcription's header, footer and licence were removed and nothing else was changed. You may copy, print and reuse it freely.
Cite as: Harry Graham, Childish Complaints, in Verse and Worse (1905), text of Project Gutenberg ebook #36702, Laurel, https://laurelpoetry.com/poem/graham-verse-and-worse/childish-complaints.html, id L23326.
Form and metre
Childish Complaints is 24 lines in 5 stanzas. This poem did not settle on a metre of its own; the book it comes from is in iambic tetrameter.
See other poems in iambic tetrameter.
Measured by Laurel's pipeline, not copied from a handbook: how stress and metre are counted, how rhyme is lettered, how a drifted rhyme is found. Where the dictionary cannot confirm a rhyme the letter is withheld, not guessed.
Rhyme words, stanza by stanza
The word that ends each line, lettered by the rhyme it makes; a dash is a line whose rhyme the dictionary could not confirm.
- 1 --AA- appendicitis · appendicit · mindA · findA · it
- 2 -ABBA cough · troupeA · doorB · moreB · whoopA
- 3 -A--A chickenpox · lotsA · know · altho · spotsA
- 4 -ABBA snores · themA · becosB · wasB · themA
- 5 A-A- byA · day · iA · croupier
Scansion, line by line
Each line with its syllable count and the stresses the words themselves fix: / stressed, ˘ unstressed, · a syllable the word leaves free and the metre decides. Read against iambic tetrameter. How this is done.
| Line | Syl. | Stress |
|---|---|---|
| I've got Appendicitis | 4 | ···· |
| In my Appendicit, | 6 | ······ |
| But I don't mind, | 4 | ···· |
| Because I find | 4 | ···· |
| I'm quite 'cut out' for it. | 6 | ······ |
| If only I had Whooping-cough! | 8 | ·/˘··/˘· |
| I'd join a Circus troupe! | 6 | ···/˘· |
| And folks would clamour at the door, | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| And pay a shilling--even more, | 8 | ···/˘/˘· |
| To see me 'Whoop The Whoop.' | 6 | ······ |
| Of illnesses like chickenpox | 7 | ·/˘˘·/˘ |
| And measles I've had lots; | 6 | ·/˘··· |
| I do not like them much, you know, | 8 | ········ |
| They are not really nice, altho' | 8 | ···/˘·˘/ |
| They're rather nice in spots. | 6 | ·/˘··· |
| A Cockney maid produced such snores, | 8 | ·/˘·˘/·· |
| Folks left the City to avoid them; | 9 | ···/˘·˘/· |
| And all becos, | 4 | ··/˘ |
| She said, it was | 4 | ···· |
| Her adenoids that 'ad annoyed them! | 9 | ·/˘···˘/· |
| I had the Croup, in years gone by, | 8 | ········ |
| And that is why to-day, | 6 | ······ |
| Altho' no longer youthful, I | 8 | ˘/·/˘/˘· |
| Am still a Croupier. | 6 | ···/˘˘ |
The reader shows the same poem with its rhymes coloured and a stress row above each line, the notes beside their stanzas, and any word's definition on a tap; the analysis page takes the whole book apart. How every part of this site was made.