The Contest of Wine and Water

Laying truth bare, stripped of fable,Briefly as I may be able,With good reasons manifold,I will tell why man should neverCopulate, but rather sever,Things that strife and hatred hold.

When one cup in fell confusionWine with water blends, the fusion,Call it by what name you will,Is no blessing, nor deservethAny praise, but rather servethFor the emblem of all ill.

Wine perceives the water present,And with pain exclaims, "What peasantDared to mingle thee with me?Rise, go forth, get out, and leave me!In the same place, here to grieve me,Thou hast no just claim to be.

"Vile and shameless in thy going,Into cracks thou still art flowing,That in foul holes thou mayst lie;O'er the earth thou ought'st to wander,On the earth thy liquor squander,And at length in anguish die.

"How canst thou adorn a table?No one sings or tells a fableIn thy presence dull and drear;But the guest who erst was jolly,Laughing, joking, bent on folly,Silent sits when thou art near.

"Should one drink of thee to fulness,Sound before, he takes an illness;All his bowels thou dost stir;Booms the belly, wind ariseth,Which, enclosed and pent, surprisethWith a thousand sighs the ear.

"When the stomach's so inflated,Blasts are then ejaculatedFrom both draughts with divers sound;And that organ thus affected,All the air is soon infectedBy the poison breathed around."

Water thus wine's home-thrust warded:"All thy life is foul and sordid,Sunk in misery, steeped in vice;Those who drink thee lose their morals,Waste their time in sloth and quarrels,Rolling down sin's precipice.

"Thou dost teach man's tongue to stutter;He goes reeling in the gutterWho hath deigned to kiss thy lips;Hears men speak without discerning,Sees a hundred tapers burningWhen there are but two poor dips.

"He who feels for thee soul's hungerIs a murderer or whoremonger,Davus Geta Birria;Such are they whom thou dost nourish;With thy fame and name they flourishIn the tavern's disarray.

"Thou by reason of thy badnessArt confined in prison sadness,Cramped and small thy dwellings are:I am great the whole world over,Spread myself abroad and coverEvery part of earth afar.

"Drink I yield to palates burning;They who for soul's health are yearning,Need the aid that I have given;Since all pilgrims, at their praying,Far or near, I am conveyingTo the palaces of heaven."

Wine replied: "What thou hast vauntedProves thee full of fraud; for grantedThat thou earnest ships o'er sea,Yet thou then dost swell and riot;Till they wreck thou hast no quiet;Thus they are deceived through thee.

"He whose strength is insufficientThee to slake with heat efficient,Sunk in mortal peril lies:Trusting thee the poor wretch waneth,And through thee at length attainethTo the joys of Paradise.

"I'm a god, as that true poetNaso testifies; men owe itUnto me that they are sage;When they do not drink, professorsLose their wits and lack assessorsRound about the lecture-stage.

"'Tis impossible to severTruth from falsehood if you neverLearn to drink my juices neat.Thanks to me, dumb speak, deaf listen,Blind folk see, the senses glisten,And the lame man finds his feet.

"Eld through me to youth returneth,While thine influence o'erturnethAll a young man's lustihead;By my force the world is ladenWith new births, but boy or maidenThrough thy help was never bred."

Water saith: "A god thou! Just menBy thy craft become unjust men,Bad, worse, worst, degenerous!Thanks to thee, their words half utteredThrough the drunken lips are stuttered,And thy sage is Didymus.

"I will speak the truth out wholly:Earth bears fruit by my gift solely,And the meadows bloom in May;When it rains not, herbs and grassesDry with drought, spring's beauty passes,Flowers and lilies fade away.

"Lo, thy crooked mother pining,On her boughs the grapes declining,Barren through the dearth of rain;Mark her tendrils lean and sterileO'er the parched earth at their perilBent in unavailing pain!

"Famine through all lands prevaileth,Terror-struck the people waileth,When I choose to keep away;Christians kneel to Christ to gain me,Jews and Pagans to obtain meCeaseless vows and offerings pay."

Wine saith: "To the deaf thou'rt singing,Those vain self-laudations flinging!Otherwhere thou hast been shown!Patent 'tis to all the racesHow impure and foul thy place is;We believe what we have known!

"Thou of things the scum and rottenSewer, where ordures best forgottenAnd unmentioned still descend!Filth and garbage, stench and poison.Thou dost bear in fetid foison!Here I stop lest words offend."

Water rose, the foe invaded,In her own defence upbraidedWine for his invective base:"Now at last we've drawn the curtain!Who, what god thou art is certainFrom thy oracle's disgrace.

"This thine impudent orationHurts not me; 'tis desecrationTo a god, and fouls his tongue!At the utmost at nine pacesCan I suffer filthy places,Fling far from me dirt and dung!"

Wine saith: "This repudiationOf my well-weighed imputationDoth not clear thyself of crime!Many a man and oft who swallowedThine infected potion, followedAfter death in one day's time."

Hearing this, in stupefactionWater stood; no words, no action,Now restrained her sobs of woe.Wine exclaims, "Why art thou dumb then?Without answer? Is it come thenTo thy complete overthrow?"

I who heard the whole contentionNow declare my song's intention,And to all the world proclaim:They who mix these things shall everHenceforth be accursed, and neverIn Christ's kingdom portion claim.