Toland's Invitation to Dismal to Dine with the Calves’ Head Club
Written A.D. 1712.--Stella.Imitated from Horace, Lib. i, Epist. 5.
If, dearest Dismal, you for once can dineUpon a single dish, and tavern wine,Toland to you this invitation sends,To eat the calfs head with your trusty friends.Suspend awhile your vain ambitious hopes,Leave hunting after bribes, forget your tropes.To-morrow we our mystic feast prepare,Where thou, our latest proselyte, shall share:When we, by proper signs and symbols, tell,How by brave hands the royal traitor fell;The meat shall represent the tyrant's head,The wine, his blood our predecessors shed;Whilst an alluding hymn some artist sings,We toast, Confusion to the race of kings!At monarchy we nobly show our spight,And talk, what fools call treason, all the night.Who, by disgraces or ill fortune sunk,Feels not his soul enliven'd when he's drunk?Wine can clear up Godolphin's cloudy face,And fill Jack Smith with hopes to keep his place:By force of wine, ev'n Scarborough is brave,Hal grows more pert, and Somers not so grave:Wine can give Portland wit, and Cleaveland sense,Montague learning, Bolton eloquence:Cholmondeley, when drunk, can never lose his wand;And Lincoln then imagines he has land.My province is, to see that all be right,Glasses and linen clean, and pewter bright;From our mysterious club to keep out spies,And Tories (dress'd like waiters) in disguise.You shall be coupled as you best approve,Seated at table next the man you love.Sunderland, Orford, Boyle, and Richmond's graceWill come; and Hampden shall have Walpole's place;Wharton, unless prevented by a whore,Will hardly fail; and there is room for more;But I love elbow-room whene'er I drink;And honest Harry is too apt to stink.Let no pretence of bus'ness make you stay;Yet take one word of counsel by the way.If Guernsey calls, send word you're gone abroad;He'll teaze you with King Charles, and Bishop Laud,Or make you fast, and carry you to prayers;But, if he will break in, and walk up stairs,Steal by the back-door out, and leave him there;Then order Squash to call a hackney chair.
Words in this poem
- dismal a.
- Fatal; ill-omened; unlucky. [Formerly a noun; e. g., "I trow it was in the dismalle." Chaucer. Of uncertain origin; but perh. (as suggested by Skeat) from OF. disme, F. dîme, tithe, the phr]
- dine v. i.
- To eat the principal regular meal of the day; to take dinner. [F. dîner, OF. disner, LL. disnare, contr. fr. an assumed disjunare; dis- + an assumed junare (OF. juner) to fast, for L. jejunare, fr. jejunus fasting. See Jeju]
- awhile adv.
- For a while; for some time; for a short time. [Adj. a + while time, interval.]
- shall v. i.
- To owe; to be under obligation for. [OE. shal, schal, imp. sholde, scholde, AS. scal, sceal, I am obliged, imp. scolde, sceolde, inf. sculan; akin to OS. skulan, pres. skal, imp. skolda, D. zullen,]
- artist n.
- One who practices some mechanic art or craft; an artisan. [F. artiste, LL. artista, fr. L. ars. See Art, n., and cf. Artiste.]
- nobly adv.
- Of noble extraction; as, nobly born or descended.
- spight n.
- A woodpecker. See Speight.
- pewter n.
- A hard, tough, but easily fusible, alloy, originally consisting of tin with a little lead, but afterwards modified by the addition of copper, antimony, or bismuth. [OE. pewtyr, OF. peutre, peautre, piautre: cf. D. peauter, piauter, It. peltro, Sp. & Pg. peltre, LL. peutreum, pestrum. Cf. Spelter.]
- whore n.
- A woman who practices unlawful sexual commerce with men, especially one who prostitutes her body for hire; a prostitute; a harlot. Wyclif. [OE. hore, AS. h; akin to D. hoer, hoere, G. hure, OHG. huora, huorra, Icel. h, Dan. hore, Sw. hora, Goth. h an adulterer, AS. h adultery, OHG. huor, and probabl]
- harry v. i.
- To make a predatory incursion; to plunder or lay waste.
- pretence n.
- The act of laying claim; the claim laid; assumption; pretension. [LL. praetensus, for L. praetentus, p. p. of praetendere. See Pretend, and cf. Tension.]
- squash n.
- An American animal allied to the weasel. Goldsmith. [Cf. Musquash.]
Definitions and etymologies from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, 1913.
About this text
Toland's Invitation to Dismal to Dine with the Calves’ Head Club is in the public domain. This text is taken from The Poems of Jonathan Swift, D.D., Volume 2, Project Gutenberg ebook #13621; the transcription's header, footer and licence were removed and nothing else was changed. You may copy, print and reuse it freely.
Cite as: Jonathan Swift, Toland's Invitation to Dismal to Dine with the Calves’ Head Club, in Poems, Volume II (1710–1745), text of Project Gutenberg ebook #13621, Laurel, https://laurelpoetry.com/poem/swift-poems/toland-s-invitation-to-dismal-to-dine-with-the-calves-head-c.html, id L09306.
Form and metre
Toland's Invitation to Dismal to Dine with the Calves’ Head Club is 48 lines in 2 verse paragraphs. It is in rhyming couplets, 92% of the lines: heroic couplets. The metre is iambic pentameter, measured from the stress the words themselves fix (confidence 90%). 92% of its stressed syllables fall where the metre puts the beat. The lines average 9.9 syllables. 2 lines end on an unstressed syllable, a feminine ending.
See other poems in heroic couplets, other poems in iambic pentameter.
Measured by Laurel's pipeline, not copied from a handbook: how stress and metre are counted, how rhyme is lettered, how a drifted rhyme is found. Where the dictionary cannot confirm a rhyme the letter is withheld, not guessed.
Rhyme words, stanza by stanza
The word that ends each line, lettered by the rhyme it makes; a dash is a line whose rhyme the dictionary could not confirm.
- 2 AABBCCDDEEFFGGHHIIJJKKLL--MMNNOOPPQQRRSSTTUUVV dineA · wineA · sendsB · friendsB · hopesC · tropesC · prepareD · shareD · tellE · fellE · headF · shedF · singsG · kingsG · spightH · nightH · sunkI · drunkI · faceJ · placeJ · braveK · graveK · senseL · eloquenceL · wand · land · rightM · brightM · spiesN · disguiseN · approveO · loveO · graceP · placeP · whoreQ · moreQ · drinkR · stinkR · stayS · wayS · abroadT · laudT · prayersU · stairsU · thereV · chairV
Scansion, line by line
Each line with its syllable count and the stresses the words themselves fix: / stressed, ˘ unstressed, · a syllable the word leaves free and the metre decides. Read against iambic pentameter. How this is done.
| Line | Syl. | Stress |
|---|---|---|
| Written A.D. 1712.--Stella. | 6 | /˘··/˘ |
| Imitated from Horace, Lib. i, Epist. 5. | 11 | /˘·˘·/˘···· |
| If, dearest Dismal, you for once can dine | 10 | ·/˘/˘····· |
| Upon a single dish, and tavern wine, | 10 | ···/˘··/˘· |
| Toland to you this invitation sends, | 10 | /˘····˘/˘· |
| To eat the calfs head with your trusty friends. | 10 | ·······/˘· |
| Suspend awhile your vain ambitious hopes, | 10 | ˘/˘/··˘/˘· |
| Leave hunting after bribes, forget your tropes. | 10 | ·/˘···˘/·· |
| To-morrow we our mystic feast prepare, | 10 | ·/˘·//˘·˘/ |
| Where thou, our latest proselyte, shall share: | 10 | ··//˘/˘˘·· |
| When we, by proper signs and symbols, tell, | 10 | ···/˘··/˘· |
| How by brave hands the royal traitor fell; | 10 | ·····/˘/˘· |
| The meat shall represent the tyrant's head, | 10 | ····˘/·/˘· |
| The wine, his blood our predecessors shed; | 10 | ····//˘·˘· |
| Whilst an alluding hymn some artist sings, | 10 | ··˘/˘··/˘· |
| We toast, Confusion to the race of kings! | 10 | ··˘/˘····· |
| At monarchy we nobly show our spight, | 9 | ·/˘·/˘·/· |
| And talk, what fools call treason, all the night. | 10 | ·····/˘··· |
| Who, by disgraces or ill fortune sunk, | 10 | ··˘/˘··/˘· |
| Feels not his soul enliven'd when he's drunk? | 10 | ····˘/˘··· |
| Wine can clear up Godolphin's cloudy face, | 10 | ·······/˘· |
| And fill Jack Smith with hopes to keep his place: | 10 | ·········· |
| By force of wine, ev'n Scarborough is brave, | 10 | ·····/·˘·· |
| Hal grows more pert, and Somers not so grave: | 10 | ·····/˘··· |
| Wine can give Portland wit, and Cleaveland sense, | 10 | ···/˘··/˘· |
| Montague learning, Bolton eloquence: | 9 | /˘·/˘/˘/˘ |
| Cholmondeley, when drunk, can never lose his wand; | 11 | ·······/··· |
| And Lincoln then imagines he has land. | 10 | ·/˘·˘/˘··· |
| My province is, to see that all be right, | 10 | ·/˘······· |
| Glasses and linen clean, and pewter bright; | 10 | /˘·/˘··/˘· |
| From our mysterious club to keep out spies, | 10 | ·/˘/˘····· |
| And Tories (dress'd like waiters) in disguise. | 10 | ·/˘··/˘·˘/ |
| You shall be coupled as you best approve, | 10 | ···/˘···˘/ |
| Seated at table next the man you love. | 10 | /˘·/˘····· |
| Sunderland, Orford, Boyle, and Richmond's grace | 9 | /˘/˘··/˘· |
| Will come; and Hampden shall have Walpole's place; | 10 | ·······/·· |
| Wharton, unless prevented by a whore, | 10 | /˘··˘/˘··· |
| Will hardly fail; and there is room for more; | 10 | ·/˘······· |
| But I love elbow-room whene'er I drink; | 11 | ···/······· |
| And honest Harry is too apt to stink. | 10 | ·/˘/˘····· |
| Let no pretence of bus'ness make you stay; | 10 | ·········· |
| Yet take one word of counsel by the way. | 10 | ·····/˘··· |
| If Guernsey calls, send word you're gone abroad; | 10 | ·/˘·····˘/ |
| He'll teaze you with King Charles, and Bishop Laud, | 10 | ·······/˘· |
| Or make you fast, and carry you to prayers; | 10 | ·····/˘··· |
| But, if he will break in, and walk up stairs, | 10 | ·········· |
| Steal by the back-door out, and leave him there; | 10 | ·········· |
| Then order Squash to call a hackney chair. | 10 | ·/˘····/˘· |
Notes from the edition 2
The notes to the Poems of Jonathan Swift, Volume II (Project Gutenberg #13621).
- Stanza 2, line 22 Right Honourable Henry Boyle.--Scott.
- Stanza 2, line 40 Scott prints "comfort."--Forster.
The reader shows the same poem with its rhymes coloured and a stress row above each line, the notes beside their stanzas, and any word's definition on a tap; the analysis page takes the whole book apart. How every part of this site was made.