Bettesworth's Exultation

Well! now, since the heat of my passion's abated,That the Dean hath lampoon'd me, my mind is elated:--Lampoon'd did I call it?--No--what was it then?What was it?--'Twas fame to be lash'd by his pen:For had he not pointed me out, I had slept tillE'en doomsday, a poor insignificant reptile;Half lawyer, half actor, pert, dull, and inglorious,Obscure, and unheard of--but now I'm notorious:Fame has but two gates, a white and a black one;The worst they can say is, I got in at the back one:If the end be obtain'd 'tis equal what portalI enter, since I'm to be render'd immortal:So clysters applied to the anus, 'tis said,By skilful physicians, give ease to the head--Though my title be spurious, why should I be dastard,A man is a man, though he should be a bastard.Why sure 'tis some comfort that heroes should slay us,If I fall, I would fall by the hand of Æneas;And who by the Drapier would not rather damn'd be,Than demigoddized by madrigal Namby?A man is no more who has once lost his breath;But poets convince us there’s life after death.They call from their graves the king, or the peasant;Re-act our old deeds, and make what's past present:And when they would study to set forth alike,So the lines be well drawn, and the colours but strike,Whatever the subject be, coward or hero,A tyrant or patriot, a Titus or Nero;To a judge 'tis all one which he fixes his eye on,And a well-painted monkey's as good as a lion.