A Letter to the Dean When in England. 1726. by Dr. Sheridan

You will excuse me, I suppose,For sending rhyme instead of prose.Because hot weather makes me lazy,To write in metre is more easy.While you are trudging London town,I'm strolling Dublin up and down;While you converse with lords and dukes,I have their betters here, my books:Fix'd in an elbow-chair at ease,I choose companions as I please.I'd rather have one single shelfThan all my friends, except yourself;For, after all that can be said,Our best acquaintance are the dead.While you're in raptures with Faustina;I'm charm'd at home with our Sheelina.While you are starving there in state,I'm cramming here with butchers' meat.You say, when with those lords you dine,They treat you with the best of wine,Burgundy, Cyprus, and Tokay;Why, so can we, as well as they.No reason then, my dear good Dean,But you should travel home again.What though you mayn't in Ireland hopeTo find such folk as Gay and Pope;If you with rhymers here would shareBut half the wit that you can spare,I'd lay twelve eggs, that in twelve days,You'd make a dozen of Popes and Gays.Our weather’s good, our sky is clear;We've every joy, if you were here;So lofty and so bright a skyWas never seen by Ireland's eye!I think it fit to let you know,This week I shall to Quilca go;To see M'Faden's horny brothersFirst suck, and after bull their mothers;To see, alas! my wither'd trees!To see what all the country sees!My stunted quicks, my famish'd beeves,My servants such a pack of thieves;My shatter'd firs, my blasted oaks,My house in common to all folks,No cabbage for a single snail,My turnips, carrots, parsneps, fail;My no green peas, my few green sprouts;My mother always in the pouts;My horses rid, or gone astray;My fish all stolen or run away;My mutton lean, my pullets old,My poultry starved, the corn all sold.A man come now from Quilca says,"They've stolen the locks from all your keys;"But, what must fret and vex me more,He says, "They stole the keys before.They've stol'n the knives from all the forks;And half the cows from half the sturks."Nay more, the fellow swears and vows,"They've stol'n the sturks from half the cows:"With many more accounts of woe,Yet, though the devil be there, I'll go:'Twixt you and me, the reason's clear,Because I've more vexation here.

I've sent to the ladies this morning to warn 'em,To order their chaise, and repair to Rathfarnam;Where you shall be welcome to dine, if your deanshipCan take up with me, and my friend Stella's leanship.I've got you some soles, and a fresh bleeding bret,That's just disengaged from the toils of a net:An excellent loin of fat veal to be roasted,With lemons, and butter, and sippets well toasted:Some larks that descended, mistaking the skies,Which Stella brought down by the light of her eyes;And there, like Narcissus, they gazed till they died,And now they're to lie in some crumbs that are fried.My wine will inspire you with joy and delight,'Tis mellow, and old, and sparkling, and bright;An emblem of one that you love, I suppose,Who gathers more lovers the older she grows.Let me be your Gay, and let Stella be Pope,We'll wean you from sighing for England I hope;When we are together there's nothing that is dull,There's nothing like Durfey, or Smedley, or Tisdall.We've sworn to make out an agreeable feast,Our dinner, our wine, and our wit to your taste.