A Plain Direction

"Do you never deviate?"John Bull.

In London once I lost my wayIn faring to and fro,And ask'd a little ragged boyThe way that I should go;

He gave a nod, and then a wink,And told me to get there"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I box'd his little saucy ears,And then away I strode;But since I've found that weary pathIs quite a common road.

Utopia is a pleasant place,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've read about a famous townThat drove a famous trade,Where Whittington walk'd up and foundA fortune ready made.

The very streets are paved with gold;But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've read about a Fairy Land,In some romantic tale,Where Dwarfs if good are sure to thriveAnd wicked Giants fail.

My wish is great, my shoes are strong,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've heard about some happy Isle,Where ev'ry man is free,And none can lie in bonds for lifeFor want of L. S. D.

Oh that's the land of Liberty!But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square,"

I've dreamt about some blessed spot,Beneath the blessed sky,Where Bread and Justice never riseToo dear for folks to buy.

It's cheaper than the Ward of Cheap,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

They say there is an ancient House,As pure as it is old,Where Members always speak their mindsAnd votes are never sold.

I'm fond of all antiquities,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

They say there is a Royal CourtMaintain'd in noble state,Where ev'ry able man, and good,Is certain to be great!

I'm very fond of seeing sights,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

They say there is a Temple too,Where Christians come to pray;But canting knaves and hypocrites,And bigots keep away.

Oh that's the parish church for me!But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

They say there is a Garden fair,That's haunted by the dove,Where love of gold doth ne'er eclipseThe golden light of love--

The place must be a Paradise,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've heard there is a famous LandFor public spirit known--Whose Patriots love its interestsMuch better than their own.

The Land of Promise sure it is!But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've read about a fine Estate,A Mansion large and strong;A view all over Kent and back,And going for a song.

George Robins knows the very spot,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've heard there is a CompanyAll formal and enroll'd,Will take your smallest silver coinAnd give it back in gold.

Of course the office door is mobb'd,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."

I've heard about a pleasant Land,Where omelettes grow on trees,And roasted pigs run crying out,"Come eat me, if you please."

My appetite is rather keen,But how shall I get there?"Straight down the Crooked Lane,And all round the Square."