A Comic Ballad
All you that are too fond of wine,Or any other stuff,Take warning by the dismal fateOf one Lieutenant Luff.A sober man he might have been,Except in one regard,He did not like soft water,So he took to drinking hard!
Said he, “Let others fancy slops,And talk in praise of Tea,But I am no Bohemian,So do not like Bohea.If wine’s a poison, so is Tea,Though in another shape;What matter whether one is kill’dBy canister or grape!”
According to this kind of tasteDid he indulge his drouth,And being fond of Port, he madeA port-hole of his mouth!A single pint he might have sipp’dAnd not been out of sorts,In geologic phrase--the rockHe split upon was quarts!
To “hold the mirror up to vice”With him was hard, alas!The worse for wine he often was,But not “before a glass.”No kind and prudent friend had heTo bid him drink no more,--The only chequers in his courseWere at a tavern door!
Full soon the sad effects of thisHis frame began to show,For that old enemy the goutHad taken him in toe!And join’d with this an evil cameOf quite another sort,--For while he drank, himself, his purseWas getting “something short.”
For want of cash he soon had pawn’dOne half that he possess’d,And drinking show’d him duplicatesBeforehand of the rest!So now his creditors resolvedTo seize on his assets;For why,--they found that his half-payDid not half-pay his debts.
But Luff contrived a novel modeHis Creditors to chouse;For his own execution hePut into his own house!A pistol to the muzzle chargedHe took devoid of fear;Said he, “This barrel is my last,So now for my last bier!”
Against his lungs he aimed the slugs,And not against his brain,So he blew out his lights--and noneCould blow them in again!A Jury for a Verdict metAnd gave it in these terms:--“We find as how as certain slugsHas sent him to the worms!”
Words in this poem
- dismal a.
- Fatal; ill-omened; unlucky. [Formerly a noun; e. g., "I trow it was in the dismalle." Chaucer. Of uncertain origin; but perh. (as suggested by Skeat) from OF. disme, F. dîme, tithe, the phr]
- bohea n.
- Bohea tea, an inferior kind of black tea. See under Tea. [From Wu-i, pronounced by the Chinese bu-i, the name of the hills where this kind of tea is grown.]
- canister n.
- A small basket of rushes, or wilow twigs, etc. [L. canistrum a basket woven from reeds Gr. canistre. See Cane, and Canaster.]
- geologic a.
- Of or pertaining to geology, or the science of the earth. [Cf. F. géologique.]
- drank n.
- Wild oats, or darnel grass. See Drake a plant. [Cf. 3d Drake.]
- chouse v. t.
- To cheat, trick, defraud; -- followed by of, or out of; as, to chouse one out of his money. [From Turk. cha\'d4sh a messenger or interpreter, one of whom, attached to the Turkish embassy, in 1609 cheated the Turkish merchants resident in England out of ]
- bier n.
- A handbarrow or portable frame on which a corpse is placed or borne to the grave. [OE. bæe, beere, AS. b, b; akin to D. baar, OHG. bara, G. bahre, Icel barar, Dbaare, L. feretrum, Gr. , from the same bear to produce. See 1st Bear, and cf. Barr]
Definitions and etymologies from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, 1913.
About this text
A Comic Ballad is in the public domain. This text is taken from The Comic Poems of Thomas Hood A New and Complete Edition, Project Gutenberg ebook #56712; the transcription's header, footer and licence were removed and nothing else was changed. You may copy, print and reuse it freely.
Cite as: Thomas Hood, A Comic Ballad, in Poems (1827–1845), text of Project Gutenberg ebook #56712, Laurel, https://laurelpoetry.com/poem/hood-poems/a-comic-ballad.html, id L06800.
Form and metre
A Comic Ballad is 64 lines in 8 stanzas of 8 lines each. The metre is iambic tetrameter, measured from the stress the words themselves fix (confidence 91%). 98% of its stressed syllables fall where the metre puts the beat. The lines average 7.0 syllables. 2 lines end on an unstressed syllable, a feminine ending. 34% of the lines run on without a stop at the line end.
See other poems in iambic tetrameter.
Measured by Laurel's pipeline, not copied from a handbook: how stress and metre are counted, how rhyme is lettered, how a drifted rhyme is found. Where the dictionary cannot confirm a rhyme the letter is withheld, not guessed.
Rhyme words, stanza by stanza
The word that ends each line, lettered by the rhyme it makes; a dash is a line whose rhyme the dictionary could not confirm.
- 1 -A-A-B-B wine · stuffA · fate · luffA · been · regardB · water · hardB
- 2 -A--AB-B slops · teaA · bohemian · bohea · teaA · shapeB · kill'd · grapeB
- 3 -A-A-B-B taste · drouthA · made · mouthA · sipp'd · sortsB · rock · quartsB
- 4 -A-A-B-B vice · alasA · was · glassA · he · moreB · course · doorB
- 5 -A-A-B-B this · showA · gout · toeA · came · sortB · purse · shortB
- 6 -A-A-B-B pawn'd · possess'dA · duplicates · restA · resolved · assetsB · pay · debtsB
- 7 -A-A-B-B mode · chouseA · he · houseA · charged · fearB · last · bierB
- 8 AB-B-CAC slugsA · brainB · none · againB · met · termsC · slugsA · wormsC
Scansion, line by line
Each line with its syllable count and the stresses the words themselves fix: / stressed, ˘ unstressed, · a syllable the word leaves free and the metre decides. Read against iambic tetrameter. How this is done.
| Line | Syl. | Stress |
|---|---|---|
| All you that are too fond of wine, | 8 | ········ |
| Or any other stuff, | 6 | ·/˘/˘· |
| Take warning by the dismal fate | 8 | ·/˘··/˘· |
| Of one Lieutenant Luff. | 6 | ··˘/˘· |
| A sober man he might have been, | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| Except in one regard, | 6 | ····˘/ |
| He did not like soft water, | 7 | ·····/˘ |
| So he took to drinking hard! | 7 | ····/˘· |
| Said he, “Let others fancy slops, | 8 | ···/˘/˘· |
| And talk in praise of Tea, | 6 | ······ |
| But I am no Bohemian, | 8 | ····˘/˘˘ |
| So do not like Bohea. | 6 | ····˘/ |
| If wine’s a poison, so is Tea, | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| Though in another shape; | 6 | ··˘/˘· |
| What matter whether one is kill’d | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| By canister or grape!” | 6 | ·/˘˘·· |
| According to this kind of taste | 8 | ˘/˘····· |
| Did he indulge his drouth, | 6 | ··˘/·· |
| And being fond of Port, he made | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| A port-hole of his mouth! | 6 | ······ |
| A single pint he might have sipp’d | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| And not been out of sorts, | 6 | ······ |
| In geologic phrase--the rock | 8 | ··˘/˘··· |
| He split upon was quarts! | 6 | ······ |
| To “hold the mirror up to vice” | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| With him was hard, alas! | 6 | ····˘/ |
| The worse for wine he often was, | 8 | ·····/˘· |
| But not “before a glass.” | 6 | ······ |
| No kind and prudent friend had he | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| To bid him drink no more,-- | 6 | ······ |
| The only chequers in his course | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| Were at a tavern door! | 6 | ···/˘· |
| Full soon the sad effects of this | 8 | ····˘/·· |
| His frame began to show, | 6 | ··˘/·· |
| For that old enemy the gout | 8 | ···/˘˘·· |
| Had taken him in toe! | 6 | ·/˘··· |
| And join’d with this an evil came | 8 | ·····/˘· |
| Of quite another sort,-- | 6 | ··˘/˘· |
| For while he drank, himself, his purse | 8 | ····˘/·· |
| Was getting “something short.” | 6 | ·/˘/˘· |
| For want of cash he soon had pawn’d | 8 | ········ |
| One half that he possess’d, | 6 | ····˘/ |
| And drinking show’d him duplicates | 8 | ·/˘··/˘· |
| Beforehand of the rest! | 6 | ˘/···· |
| So now his creditors resolved | 8 | ···/˘˘˘/ |
| To seize on his assets; | 6 | ····/· |
| For why,--they found that his half-pay | 8 | ········ |
| Did not half-pay his debts. | 6 | ······ |
| But Luff contrived a novel mode | 8 | ··˘/·/˘· |
| His Creditors to chouse; | 6 | ·/˘˘·· |
| For his own execution he | 8 | ····˘/˘· |
| Put into his own house! | 6 | ······ |
| A pistol to the muzzle charged | 8 | ·/˘··/˘· |
| He took devoid of fear; | 6 | ··˘/·· |
| Said he, “This barrel is my last, | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| So now for my last bier!” | 6 | ······ |
| Against his lungs he aimed the slugs, | 8 | ········ |
| And not against his brain, | 6 | ······ |
| So he blew out his lights--and none | 8 | ········ |
| Could blow them in again! | 6 | ····˘/ |
| A Jury for a Verdict met | 8 | ·/˘··/˘· |
| And gave it in these terms:-- | 6 | ······ |
| “We find as how as certain slugs | 8 | ·····/˘· |
| Has sent him to the worms!” | 6 | ······ |
The reader shows the same poem with its rhymes coloured and a stress row above each line, the notes beside their stanzas, and any word's definition on a tap; the analysis page takes the whole book apart. How every part of this site was made.