Ben Apfelgarten
There was a certain gentleman, Ben Apfelgarten called,Who lived way off in Germany a many years ago,And he was very fortunate in being very bald,And so was very happy he was so.He warbled all the daySuch songs as only theyWho are very, very circumspect and very happy may;The people wondered why,As the years went grinding by,They never heard him once complain or even heave a sigh!
The women of the province fell in love with genial Ben,Till (maybe you can fancy it) the dickens was to payAmong the callow students and the sober-minded men--With the women folk a-cuttin' up that way!Why, they gave him turbans redTo adorn his hairless head,And knitted jaunty nightcaps to protect him when abed!In vain the rest demurred--Not a single chiding wordThose ladies deigned to tolerate--remonstrance was absurd!
Things finally got into such a very dreadful wayThat the others (oh, how artful!) formed the politic designTo send him to the reichstag; so, one dull November dayThey elected him a member from the Rhine!Then the other members said:"Gott in Himmel; what a head!"But they marveled when his speeches they listened to or read;And presently they cried:"There must be heaps insideOf the smooth and shiny cranium his constituents deride!"
Well, when at last he up 'nd died--long past his ninetieth year--The strangest and the most luguberous funeral he had,For women came in multitudes to weep upon his bier--The men all wond'ring why on earth the women had gone mad!And this wonderment increased,Till the sympathetic priestInquired of those same ladies: "Why this fuss about deceased?"Whereupon they were appalled,For, as one, those women squalled:"We doted on deceased for being bald--bald--bald!"
He was bald because his genius burnt that shock of hair away,Which, elsewise, clogs one's keenness and activity of mind,And (barring present company, of course,) I'm free to sayThat, after all, it's intellect that captures woman-kind.At any rate, since then(With a precedent in Ben),The women-folk have been in love with us bald-headed men!
Words in this poem 20
- wondered a.
- Having performed wonders; able to perform wonderful things.
- went n.
- Course; way; path; journey; direction.
- genial a.
- Contributing to, or concerned in, propagation or production; generative; procreative; productive. [L. genialis: cf. OF. genial. See Genius.]
- maybe adv.
- Perhaps; possibly; peradventure. [For it may be.]
- callow a.
- Destitute of feathers; naked; unfledged. [OE. calewe, calu, bald, AS. calu; akin to D. kaal, OHG. chalo, G. Kuhl; cf. L. calvus.]
- folk n.
- In Anglo-Saxon times, the people of a group of townships or villages; a community; a tribe. [AS. folc; akin to D. volk, OS. & OHG. folk, G. volk, Icel. f, Sw. & Dan. folk, Lith. pulkas crowd, and perh. to E. follow.]
- hairless a.
- Destitute of hair.
- abed adv.
- In bed, or on the bed. [Pref. a- in, on + bed.]
- dreadful a.
- Full of dread or terror; fearful.
- artful a.
- Performed with, or characterized by, art or skill. [From Art.]
- reichstag n.
- The Diet, or House of Representatives, of the German empire, which is composed of members elected for a term of three years by the direct vote of the people. See Bundesrath. [G.]
- presently adv.
- At present; at this time; now.
- shiny a.
- Bright; luminous; clear; unclouded.
- deride v. t.
- To laugh at with contempt; to laugh to scorn; to turn to ridicule or make sport of; to mock; to scoff at. [L. deridere, derisum; de- + rid to laugh. See Ridicule.]
- ninetieth a.
- Next in order after the eighty-ninth.
- bier n.
- A handbarrow or portable frame on which a corpse is placed or borne to the grave. [OE. bæe, beere, AS. b, b; akin to D. baar, OHG. bara, G. bahre, Icel barar, Dbaare, L. feretrum, Gr. , from the same bear to produce. See 1st Bear, and cf. Barr]
- wonderment n.
- Surprise; astonishment; a wonderful appearance; a wonder.
- fuss n.
- A tumult; a bustle; unnecessary or annoying ado about trifles. [Cf. Fusome.]
- whereupon adv.
- Upon which; in consequence of which; after which.
- doted a.
- Stupid; foolish.
Definitions and etymologies from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, 1913.
About this text
Ben Apfelgarten is in the public domain. This text is taken from Hoosier Lyrics, Project Gutenberg ebook #36150; the transcription's header, footer and licence were removed and nothing else was changed. You may copy, print and reuse it freely.
Cite as: Eugene Field, Ben Apfelgarten, in Hoosier Lyrics (1905), text of Project Gutenberg ebook #36150, Laurel, https://laurelpoetry.com/poem/field-poems/ben-apfelgarten.html, id L11652.
Form and metre
Ben Apfelgarten is 47 lines in 5 stanzas. The rhyme scheme is ABABCCCDDD, complete in 4 of its 5 stanzas. The metre is iambic heptameter, measured from the stress the words themselves fix (confidence 89%). 93% of its stressed syllables fall where the metre puts the beat. The lines average 10.9 syllables. 4 lines end on an unstressed syllable, a feminine ending. 26% of the lines run on without a stop at the line end.
See other poems in iambic heptameter.
Measured by Laurel's pipeline, not copied from a handbook: how stress and metre are counted, how rhyme is lettered, how a drifted rhyme is found. Where the dictionary cannot confirm a rhyme the letter is withheld, not guessed.
Rhyme words, stanza by stanza
The word that ends each line, lettered by the rhyme it makes; a dash is a line whose rhyme the dictionary could not confirm.
- 1 ABABCCCDDD calledA · agoB · baldA · soB · dayC · theyC · mayC · whyD · byD · sighD
- 2 ABABCCCDDD benA · payB · menA · wayB · redC · headC · abedC · demurredD · wordD · absurdD
- 3 ABABCCCDDD wayA · designB · dayA · rhineB · saidC · headC · readC · criedD · insideD · derideD
- 4 ABABCCCDDD yearA · hadB · bierA · madB · increasedC · priestC · deceasedC · appalledD · squalledD · baldD
- 5 ABABCCC awayA · mindB · sayA · kindB · thenC · benC · menC
Scansion, line by line
Each line with its syllable count and the stresses the words themselves fix: / stressed, ˘ unstressed, · a syllable the word leaves free and the metre decides. Read against iambic heptameter. How this is done.
| Line | Syl. | Stress |
|---|---|---|
| There was a certain gentleman, Ben Apfelgarten called, | 13 | ···/˘/˘······ |
| Who lived way off in Germany a many years ago, | 12 | ·····/˘·/·˘/ |
| And he was very fortunate in being very bald, | 12 | ···/˘/˘·//˘· |
| And so was very happy he was so. | 10 | ···/˘/˘··· |
| He warbled all the day | 7 | ·/˘˘··· |
| Such songs as only they | 6 | ···/˘· |
| Who are very, very circumspect and very happy may; | 15 | ··/˘/˘/˘··/˘/˘· |
| The people wondered why, | 7 | ·/˘/˘˘· |
| As the years went grinding by, | 7 | ····/˘· |
| They never heard him once complain or even heave a sigh! | 12 | ·/···˘/·/··· |
| The women of the province fell in love with genial Ben, | 14 | ·/˘··/˘····/˘· |
| Till (maybe you can fancy it) the dickens was to pay | 14 | ·/˘··/˘··/˘··· |
| Among the callow students and the sober-minded men-- | 14 | ···/˘/˘··/˘/˘· |
| With the women folk a-cuttin' up that way! | 11 | ··/˘······· |
| Why, they gave him turbans red | 7 | ····/˘· |
| To adorn his hairless head, | 7 | ·˘/·/˘· |
| And knitted jaunty nightcaps to protect him when abed! | 14 | ·/˘/˘···˘/··˘/ |
| In vain the rest demurred-- | 7 | ····˘/˘ |
| Not a single chiding word | 7 | ··/˘/˘· |
| Those ladies deigned to tolerate--remonstrance was absurd! | 14 | ·/˘··/˘·˘/˘·˘/ |
| Things finally got into such a very dreadful way | 13 | ·/˘·····/˘/˘· |
| That the others (oh, how artful!) formed the politic design | 15 | ··/˘··/˘··/˘·˘/ |
| To send him to the reichstag; so, one dull November day | 14 | ·····/˘···˘/˘· |
| They elected him a member from the Rhine! | 11 | ·˘/˘··/˘··· |
| Then the other members said: | 7 | ··/˘/˘· |
| "Gott in Himmel; what a head!" | 7 | ··/˘··· |
| But they marveled when his speeches they listened to or read; | 14 | ··/˘··/˘·/˘··· |
| And presently they cried: | 6 | ·/˘˘·· |
| "There must be heaps inside | 6 | ····˘/ |
| Of the smooth and shiny cranium his constituents deride!" | 14 | ····/˘/˘·˘/˘˘/ |
| Well, when at last he up 'nd died--long past his ninetieth year-- | 14 | ···········/˘· |
| The strangest and the most luguberous funeral he had, | 14 | ·/˘·······/˘·· |
| For women came in multitudes to weep upon his bier-- | 14 | ·/˘··/˘······· |
| The men all wond'ring why on earth the women had gone mad! | 14 | ·········/˘··· |
| And this wonderment increased, | 8 | ··/˘˘˘/˘ |
| Till the sympathetic priest | 7 | ···˘/˘· |
| Inquired of those same ladies: "Why this fuss about deceased?" | 14 | ˘/···/˘·····˘/ |
| Whereupon they were appalled, | 8 | /˘/··˘/˘ |
| For, as one, those women squalled: | 8 | ····/˘·˘ |
| "We doted on deceased for being bald--bald--bald!" | 11 | ·/˘·˘/·/··· |
| He was bald because his genius burnt that shock of hair away, | 15 | ······/˘·····˘/ |
| Which, elsewise, clogs one's keenness and activity of mind, | 13 | ·/˘··/˘·˘/˘·· |
| And (barring present company, of course,) I'm free to say | 13 | ·/˘/˘/˘······ |
| That, after all, it's intellect that captures woman-kind. | 14 | ·····/˘··/˘/˘· |
| At any rate, since then | 6 | ·/˘··· |
| (With a precedent in Ben), | 7 | ··/˘˘·· |
| The women-folk have been in love with us bald-headed men! | 14 | ·/˘········/˘· |
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