Riddles

A. A plague! theaese cow wont stand a bit,Noo sooner do she zee me zitAgeaen her, than she's in a trot,A-runnen to zome other spot.

J. Why 'tis the dog do sceaere the cow,He worried her a-vield benow.

J. He's off, then up athirt the rail.Your cow there, Anne's a-come to handA goodish milcher. A. If she'd stand,But then she'll steaere an' start wi' frightTo zee a dumbledore in flight.Last week she het the pail a flought,An' flung my meal o' milk half out.

J. Ha! Ha! But Anny, here, what loutBroke half your small pail's bottom out?

A. What lout indeed! What, do ye ownThe neaeme? What dropp'd en on a stwone?

J. Hee! Hee! Well now he's out o' trimWi' only half a bottom to en;Could you still vill en' to the brimAn' yit not let the milk run drough en?

A. Aye, as for nonsense, Joe, your headDo hold it all so tight's a blather,But if 'tis any good, do shedIt all so leaeky as a lather.Could you vill pails 'ithout a bottom,Yourself that be so deeply skill'd?

J. Well, ees, I could, if I'd a-got emInside o' bigger woones a-vill'd.

A. La! that is zome'hat vor to hatch!Here answer me theaese little catch.Down under water an' o' top o'tI went, an' didden touch a drop o't,

J. Not when at mowen time I tookAn' pull'd ye out o' Longmeaed brook,Where you'd a-slidder'd down the edgeAn' zunk knee-deep bezide the zedge,A-tryen to reaeke out a clote.

A. Aye I do hear your chucklen droatWhen I athirt the brudge did bringZome water on my head vrom spring.Then under water an' o' top o't,Wer I an' didden touch a drop o't.

J. O Lauk! What thik wold riddle still,Why that's as wold as Duncliffe Hill;"A two-lagg'd thing do run avoreAn' run behind a man,An' never run upon his lagsThough on his lags do stan'."What's that?I don't think you do know.There idden sich a thing to show.Not know? Why yonder by the stall'S a wheel-barrow bezide the wall,Don't he stand on his lags so trim,An' run on nothen but his wheels wold rim.

A. There's horn vor Goodman's eye-zight seaeke;There's horn vor Goodman's mouth to teaeke;There's horn vor Goodman's ears, as wellAs horn vor Goodman's nose to smell--What horns be they, then? Do your hatHold wit enough to tell us that?

J. Oh! horns! but no, I'll tell ye what,My cow is hornless, an' she's knot.

A. An' horn vor eyes is horn vor light,Vrom Goodman's lantern after night;Horn vor the ears is woone to soundVor hunters out wi' ho'se an' hound;But horn that vo'k do buy to smell o'Is hart's-horn. J. Is it? What d'ye tell o'How proud we be, vor ben't we smart?Aye, horn is horn, an' hart is hart.Well here then, Anne, while we be at it,'S a ball vor you if you can bat it.On dree-lags, two-lags, by the zideO' vower-lags, woonce did zit wi' pride,When vower-lags, that velt a prick,Vrom zix-lags, het two lags a kick.An' two an' dree-lags vell, all vive,Slap down, zome dead an' zome alive.

A. Teeh! heeh! what have ye now then, Joe,At last, to meaeke a riddle o'?

J. Your dree-lagg'd stool woone night did bearUp you a milken wi' a peaeir;An' there a zix-lagg'd stout did prickYour vow'r-lagg'd cow, an meaeke her kick,A-hetten, wi' a pretty pat,Your stool an' you so flat's a mat.You scrambled up a little dirty,But I do hope it didden hurt ye.

A. You hope, indeed! a likely ceaese,Wi' thik broad grin athirt your feaeceYou saucy good-vor-nothen chap,I'll gi'e your grinnen feaece a slap,Your drawlen tongue can only runTo turn a body into fun.

J. Oh! I woont do 't ageaen. Oh dear!Till next time, Anny. Oh my ear!Oh! Anne, why you've a-het my hat'Ithin the milk, now look at that.

A. Do sar ye right, then, I don't ceaere.I'll thump your noddle,--there--there--there.