A Letter to Dr. Helsham
SIR,Pray discruciate what follows.
The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor,When young is often due to the vicar,
The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight,Make up a bird very swift of flight.
The dullest beast, when high in stature,And another of royal nature,For breeding is a useful creature.
The dullest beast, and a party distress'd,When too long, is bad at best.
The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,Is good for partridge, not for hares.
The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.
The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,Is that by which all Irishmen swear.
The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues,Is a person very unfit for intrigues.
The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool,With a boy that is only fit for school,In summer is very pleasant and cool.
The dullest beast, and that which you kiss,May break a limb of master or miss.
Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills,Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.
The dullest beast, and eggs unsound,Without it I rather would walk on the ground.
The dullest beast, and what covers a house,Without it a writer is not worth a louse.
The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin,Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming.
The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust,There's nobody but a fool that would trust.
The dullest beast, and mending highways,Is to a horse an evil disease.
The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground,Will dress a dinner worth five pound.
The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend,The cook-maid often has by the end.
The dullest beast, and fish for lent,May give you a blow you'll for ever repent.
The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer,Without it a lady should never appear.
Words in this poem
- discruciate v. t.
- To torture; to excruciate. [L. discruciatus, p. p. of discruciare. See Cruciate.]
- scandalous a.
- Giving offense to the conscience or moral feelings; exciting reprobation; calling out condemnation. [Cf. F. scandaleux.]
- vermin n.
- An animal, in general. [OE. vermine, F. vermine, from L. vermis a worm; cf. LL. vermen a worm, L. verminosus full of worms. See Vermicular, Worm.]
- nobody n.
- No person; no one; not anybody. [No, a. + body.]
- repent a.
- Prostrate and rooting; -- said of stems. Gray. [L. repens, -entis, creeping, p. pr. of repere to creep.]
Definitions and etymologies from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, 1913.
About this text
A Letter to Dr. Helsham is in the public domain. This text is taken from The Poems of Jonathan Swift, D.D., Volume 2, Project Gutenberg ebook #13621; the transcription's header, footer and licence were removed and nothing else was changed. You may copy, print and reuse it freely.
Cite as: Jonathan Swift, A Letter to Dr. Helsham, in Cadenus and Vanessa, and Other Poems (1710–1745), text of Project Gutenberg ebook #13621, Laurel, https://laurelpoetry.com/poem/swift-poems/a-letter-to-dr-helsham.html, id L09278.
Form and metre
A Letter to Dr. Helsham is 44 lines in 21 verse paragraphs. It is in rhyming couplets, 77% of the lines: heroic couplets. The metre is iambic pentameter, measured from the stress the words themselves fix (confidence 80%). 84% of its stressed syllables fall where the metre puts the beat. The lines average 9.2 syllables. 8 lines end on an unstressed syllable, a feminine ending.
See other poems in heroic couplets, other poems in iambic pentameter.
Measured by Laurel's pipeline, not copied from a handbook: how stress and metre are counted, how rhyme is lettered, how a drifted rhyme is found. Where the dictionary cannot confirm a rhyme the letter is withheld, not guessed.
Rhyme words, stanza by stanza
The word that ends each line, lettered by the rhyme it makes; a dash is a line whose rhyme the dictionary could not confirm.
- 2 AA liquorA · vicarA
- 3 AA delightA · flightA
- 5 AA distress'dA · bestA
- 6 AA wearsA · haresA
- 7 AA catA · fatA
- 8 AA airA · swearA
- 9 AA teaguesA · intriguesA
- 10 AAA toolA · schoolA · coolA
- 11 AA kissA · missA
- 12 AA killsA · billsA
- 13 AA unsoundA · groundA
- 14 AA houseA · louseA
- 16 AA crustA · trustA
- 18 AA groundA · poundA
- 19 AA pretendA · endA
- 20 AA lentA · repentA
- 21 AA jeerA · appearA
Scansion, line by line
Each line with its syllable count and the stresses the words themselves fix: / stressed, ˘ unstressed, · a syllable the word leaves free and the metre decides. Read against iambic pentameter. How this is done.
| Line | Syl. | Stress |
|---|---|---|
| SIR, | 1 | · |
| Pray discruciate what follows. | 8 | ·˘/˘˘·/˘ |
| The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor, | 10 | ·/˘··/˘·/˘ |
| When young is often due to the vicar, | 10 | ···/˘···/˘ |
| The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight, | 9 | ·/˘····˘/ |
| Make up a bird very swift of flight. | 9 | ····/˘··· |
| The dullest beast, when high in stature, | 9 | ·/˘····/˘ |
| And another of royal nature, | 9 | ·˘/˘·/˘/˘ |
| For breeding is a useful creature. | 9 | ·/˘··/˘/˘ |
| The dullest beast, and a party distress'd, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘˘/ |
| When too long, is bad at best. | 7 | ······· |
| The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘·· |
| Is good for partridge, not for hares. | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat, | 10 | ·/˘······· |
| Will make a horse go, though he be not fat. | 10 | ·········· |
| The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air, | 11 | ·/˘········ |
| Is that by which all Irishmen swear. | 9 | ········· |
| The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘·· |
| Is a person very unfit for intrigues. | 11 | ··/˘/˘˘/·˘/ |
| The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool, | 9 | ·/˘···/˘· |
| With a boy that is only fit for school, | 10 | ·····/˘··· |
| In summer is very pleasant and cool. | 10 | ·/˘·/˘/˘·· |
| The dullest beast, and that which you kiss, | 9 | ·/˘······ |
| May break a limb of master or miss. | 9 | ·····/˘·· |
| Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills, | 10 | ·/˘····/˘· |
| Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills. | 10 | ·/˘/˘····· |
| The dullest beast, and eggs unsound, | 8 | ·/˘···˘/ |
| Without it I rather would walk on the ground. | 11 | ····/˘····· |
| The dullest beast, and what covers a house, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘·· |
| Without it a writer is not worth a louse. | 10 | ····/····· |
| The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin, | 9 | ·/˘··/˘/˘ |
| Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming. | 11 | ······/˘·/˘ |
| The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘·· |
| There's nobody but a fool that would trust. | 10 | ·/········ |
| The dullest beast, and mending highways, | 9 | ·/˘··/˘/· |
| Is to a horse an evil disease. | 8 | ·····/˘/ |
| The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground, | 10 | ·/˘······· |
| Will dress a dinner worth five pound. | 8 | ···/˘··· |
| The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend, | 10 | ·/˘···/˘˘/ |
| The cook-maid often has by the end. | 9 | ···/˘···· |
| The dullest beast, and fish for lent, | 8 | ·/˘····· |
| May give you a blow you'll for ever repent. | 10 | ·······/˘/ |
| The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer, | 9 | ·/˘···/˘· |
| Without it a lady should never appear. | 10 | ····/˘·/˘/ |
Notes from the edition 20
The notes to the Poems of Jonathan Swift, Volume II (Project Gutenberg #13621).
- Stanza 2, line 2 A swine.
- Stanza 3, line 2 A swallow.
- Stanza 4, line 3 A stallion.
- Stanza 5, line 2 A sail.
- Stanza 6, line 2 A spaniel.
- Stanza 7, line 2 A spur.
- Stanza 8, line 2 A soul.
- Stanza 9, line 2 A sloven.
- Stanza 10, line 3 A sallad.
- Stanza 11, line 2 A slip.
- Stanza 12, line 2 A sparrow.
- Stanza 13, line 2 A saddle.
- Stanza 14, line 2 A style.
- Stanza 15, line 2 A slice.
- Stanza 16, line 2 A spy.
- Stanza 17, line 2 A spavin.
- Stanza 18, line 2 A spit.
- Stanza 19, line 2 A skewer.
- Stanza 20, line 2 Assault.
- Stanza 21, line 2 A smock.
The reader shows the same poem with its rhymes coloured and a stress row above each line, the notes beside their stanzas, and any word's definition on a tap; the analysis page takes the whole book apart. How every part of this site was made.