That Alex "Ist Maked Up His-Own-Se'F"

W'y, wunst they wuz a Little Boy went outIn the woods to shoot a Bear. So, he went out'Way in the grea'-big woods--he did.--An' heWuz goin' along--an' goin' along, you know,An' purty soon he heerd somepin' go "Wooh!"--Ist thataway--"Woo-ooh!" An' he wuz skeered,He wuz. An' so he runned an' clumbed a tree--A grea'-big tree, he did,--a sicka-more tree.An' nen he heerd it ag'in: an' he looked round,An' 't'uz a Bear!--a grea'-big shore-nuff Bear!--No: 't'uz two Bears, it wuz--two grea'-big Bears--One of 'em wuz--ist one's a grea'-big Bear.--But they ist boff went "Wooh!"--An' here they comeTo climb the tree an' git the Little BoyAn' eat him up!

An' nen the Little BoyHe 'uz skeered worse'n ever! An' here comeThe grea'-big Bear a-climbin' th' tree to gitThe Little Boy an' eat him up--Oh, no!--It 'uzn't the Big Bear 'at clumb the tree--It 'uz the Little Bear. So here he comeClimbin' the tree--an' climbin' the tree! Nen whenHe git wite clos't to the Little Boy, w'y nenThe Little Boy he ist pulled up his gunAn' shot the Bear, he did, an' killed him dead!An' nen the Bear he falled clean on down outThe tree--away clean to the ground, he did--Spling-splung! he falled plum down, an' killed him, too!An' lit wite side o' where the Big Bear's at.

An' nen the Big Bear's awful mad, you bet!--'Cause--'cause the Little Boy he shot his gunAn' killed the Little Bear.--'Cause the Big BearHe--he 'uz the Little Bear's Papa.--An' so hereHe come to climb the big old tree an' gitThe Little Boy an' eat him up! An' whenThe Little Boy he saw the grea'-big BearA-comin', he uz badder skeered, he wuz,Than any time! An' so he think he'll climbUp higher--'way up higher in the treeThan the old Bear kin climb, you know.--But he--He can't climb higher 'an old Bears kin climb,--'Cause Bears kin climb up higher in the treesThan any little Boys in all the Wo-r-r-ld!

An' so here come the grea'-big-Bear, he did,--A-climbin' up--an' up the tree, to gitThe Little Boy an' eat him up! An' soThe Little Boy he clumbed on higher, an' higher,An' higher up the tree--an' higher--an' higher--An' higher'n iss-here house is!--An' here comeTh' old Bear--clos'ter to him all the time!--An' nen--first thing you know,--when th' old Big BearWuz wite clos't to him--nen the Little BoyIst jabbed his gun wite in the old Bear's moufAn' shot an' killed him dead!--No; I fergot,--He didn't shoot the grea'-big Bear at all--'Cause they 'uz no load in the gun, you know--'Cause when he shot the Little Bear, w'y, nenNo load 'uz anymore nen in the gun!

But th' Little Boy clumbed higher up, he did--He clumbed lots higher--an' on up higher--an' higherAn' higher--tel he ist can't climb no higher,'Cause nen the limbs 'uz all so little, 'wayUp in the teeny-weeny tip-top ofThe tree, they'd break down wiv him ef he don'tBe keerful! So he stop an' think: An' nenHe look around--An' here come th' old Bear!

An' so the Little Boy make up his mindHe's got to ist git out o' there some way!--'Cause here come the old Bear!--so clos't, his bref'sPurt 'nigh so's he kin feel how hot it isAg'inst his bare feet--ist like old "Ring's" brefWhen he's ben out a-huntin' an's all tired.So when th' old Bear's so clos't--the Little BoyIst gives a grea'-big jump fer 'nother tree--No!--no he don't do that!--I tell you whatThe Little Boy does:--W'y, nen--w'y, he--Oh, yes--The Little Boy he finds a hole up there'At's in the tree--an' climbs in there an' hides--An' nen th' old Bear can't find the Little BoyAt all!--But, purty soon th' old Bear findsThe Little Boy's gun 'at's up there--'cause the gunIt's too tall to tooked wiv him in the hole.So, when the old Bear fin' the gun, he knowsThe Little Boy's ist hid 'round somers there,--An' th' old Bear 'gins to snuff an' sniff around,An' sniff an' snuff around--so's he kin findOut where the Little Boy's hid at.--An' nen--nen--Oh, yes!--W'y, purty soon the old Bear climbs'Way out on a big limb--a grea'-long limb,--An' nen the Little Boy climbs out the holeAn' takes his ax an' chops the limb off!... NenThe old Bear falls k-splunge! clean to the groundAn' bust an' kill hisse'f plum dead, he did!

An' nen the Little Boy he git his gunAn' 'menced a-climbin' down the tree ag'in--No!--no, he didn't git his gun--'cause whenThe Bear falled, nen the gun falled, too--An' brokedIt all to pieces, too!--An' nicest gun!--His Pa ist buyed it!--An' the Little BoyIst cried, he did; an' went on climbin' downThe tree--an' climbin' down--an' climbin' down!--An'-sir! when he 'uz purt'-nigh down,--w'y, nenThe old Bear he jumped up ag'in--an' heAin't dead at all--ist 'tendin' thataway,So he kin git the Little Boy an' eatHim up! But the Little Boy he 'uz too smartTo climb clean down the tree.--An' the old BearHe can't climb up the tree no more--'cause whenHe fell, he broke one of his--he broke allHis legs!--an' nen he couldn't climb! But heIst won't go'way an' let the Little BoyCome down out of the tree. An' the old BearIst growls 'round there, he does--ist growls an' goes"Wooh!--woo-ooh!" all the time! An' Little BoyHe haf to stay up in the tree--all night--An' 'thout no supper neether!--On'y theyWuz apples on the tree!--An' Little BoyEt apples--ist all night--an' cried--an' cried!Nen when 'tuz morning th' old Bear went "Wooh!"Ag'in, an' try to climb up in the treeAn' git the Little Boy.--But he can'tClimb t'save his soul, he can't!--An' oh! he's mad!--He ist tear up the ground! an' go "Woo-ooh!"An'--Oh, yes!--purty soon, when morning's comeAll light--so's you kin see, you know,--w'y, nenThe old Bear finds the Little Boy's gun, you know,'At's on the ground.--(An' it ain't broke at all--I ist said that!) An' so the old Bear thinkHe'll take the gun an' shoot the Little Boy:--But Bears they don't know much 'bout shootin' guns;So when he go to shoot the Little Boy,The old Bear got the other end the gunAg'in' his shoulder, 'stid o' th' other end--So when he try to shoot the Little Boy,It shot the Bear, it did--an' killed him dead!An' nen the Little Boy clumb down the treeAn' chopped his old woolly head off:--Yes, an' killedThe other Bear ag'in, he did--an' killedAll boff the bears, he did--an' tuk 'em homeAn' cooked 'em, too, an' et 'em!--An' that's all.