My Friend

My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear--acare-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and theefrom my negligence.

The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, andtherein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.

I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what Ido--for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and mydeeds thy own hopes in action.

When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye it dothblow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind dothnot dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.

Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I havethee understand. I would be at sea alone.

When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet eventhen I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and ofthe purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thoucanst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beatingagainst the stars--and I fain would not have thee hear or see. Iwould be with night alone.

When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell--even thenthou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, mycomrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion"--forI would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesightand the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell toowell to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.

Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sakesay it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heartI laught at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter.I would laugh alone.

My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou artperfect--and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. Andyet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.

My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make theeunderstand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, handin hand.